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Footsteps Of Love

My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Friday, September 15, 2006

Oklahoma

If you are going to live or visit Oklahoma, you need to know these rules.


1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am", and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 40 & 44 goes two ways - Interstate 35 & 55 goes the other two.
Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want Cream of Wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or duck season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot -- his name is "Sir", no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

25. No, we don't care how you do things up North. If it is so great up there, why not visit a Northern state or stay there? And no, down here, we don't have an accent, you do.

9 Comments:

  • At 4:17 AM, Anonymous Manny said…

    It took me a while to get the Coke thing. What do you have against Navigators?

     
  • At 8:59 AM, Blogger forgivenforever said…

    :o) I have nothing against Navigators. This is just a joke. It wasn't meant for anybody to be offended. Maybe it's because a lot of the big SUV's and big vehicles are worth more money than most peoples houses (including mine). Something is wrong with that pic. God bless you!

     
  • At 9:42 AM, Blogger Brad said…

    Hey, thanks so much for forcing your terrible music on me! Really appreciate that! Blocking this crap now.

     
  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger Milton said…

    Well, I got it. Thought it was funny. Really.

     
  • At 5:56 PM, Blogger 4given4ever said…

    Why, thank you Milton. I kinda like it. We're a little laid back here in Oklahoma. Just the way I like it. As for Brad.....hey, nice pic! The cross pin adds a nice touch. Soooooooo glad you thought so much of my music that you had to comment on it. God bless your little (and I do mean little) heart.

     
  • At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was born and raised in Oklahoma--and left at age 22 and never looked back! I'm 51 now. Your comments seem to be really rude, for the most part. Use a little of your Christian spirit to make outsiders more welcome. You seem really stuck up.

     
  • At 11:50 PM, Blogger forgivenforever said…

    Well, I'm sure sorry about not making "outsiders" feel welcome. If you never looked back when you left Oklahoma, why do you care about how "outsiders" feel? As far as me being rude, I didn't make that joke. That e-mail joke has been going around the net for quite a few years now. Where have you been? I just changed the location from the south to Oklahoma if you must know. And my "Christian spirit" is far greater than just Oklahoma. I love everybody everywhere; not just Oklahoma because Jesus tells me to. Now, you have a nice day now, ya hear? And may God bless you! You come on back to Oklahoma anytime and you'll be more than welcome. And no, I'm not stuck up; just stuck on Jesus.

     
  • At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Melissa said…

    Hiya hon, loved your blog and 'things you need to know about oklahoma'. Although I am originally from the 'North' (Washington State), generally this was 'down home' country and I can relate to most of it! I live in England now - if you wave at anyone, you are deemed mad! Sigh.

    Anyway, God bless...its your site, and you are welcome to play what music and make what comments you enjoy! Who sings the song, by the way?

     
  • At 12:12 AM, Blogger forgivenforever said…

    Thank you very much. That song is sung by Kutless, one of my favorite bands! You come back and visit anytime. God bless you!

     

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